"A Heartbeat Away from the Presidency," the "Heartbeat of America"

Sarah Palin sure does sound "like a rock" hard conservative, and American political catch-phrases are borderline Chevy commercial material.

Attention Disenfranchised Billary's! : Do not let Sarah Palin's Miss Congeniality appearance and the fact that she is a woman inveigle your otherwise Dem vote record to the dark side!

She is the Ice Queen of NarniaAlaska:

Pro-Lifer, Anti-Gay, Anti-Polar Bears, Pro Oil, Went back to work 3 days after giving birth

With some human qualities:

Pro Vogue photo shoots, Pro Pageants, Pro Women's Basketball, Pro running up hills, Has a child with Trisomy 21 (please see above) that she did not abort

How does she manage to smile/laugh?: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/08/31/palin-laughs-as-opponent_n_122776.html

NYC Crazies

Spotted: The Reverse Stair Descender
Location: The 4-5 Fulton Street Stop downtown Manhattan
Defining Characteristics: Beard, Glasses, Fingerless Black Gloves
Behavior: Walking down the stairs backwards while covering his eyes for added difficulty
Famous Phrases:
"Cut her vagina hole"
"Cut off his penis"
"Break your legs"
"Double fuck your asshole"

Wait...What?

It has resurfaced in news again that scientists (researchers at UC of B) are another "step closer"

to inventing invisibility- or a metamaterial that bends light/emits a wavelength that humans can't see. This will be a key weapon to use to defeat the Predator when he comes back from the dead, and to get you out of a bind when you get stuck in Hogwart's study hall.

"This is not 1968. And the invasion of Czechoslovakia, where Russia can threaten a neighbor, occupy a capital, and overthrow a government, and get away with it. Things have changed." - Condoleezza Rice always manages to look so honest after she has convinced herself that what she is going to say to the press is the truth - it's always more believable when she wears those power suits in bold colors too.

The U.S.A. women's gymnastics team lost to China by 2 points thanks to Alicia Sacramone. She totally ruined her chances of a future Claritin (Shannon Miller) endorsement for placing U.S. in the silver zone. Alicia should've spent less time tanning and more time in the gym. At least Michael Phelps won all of those GOLD medals and Spain's basketball team did this:

Suck it China - Team America and Spain!

No Privacy with Church and Liberty

It's that time of year again for back to school and increased random searching. The NYPD is looking for the approval to perfom searches on anyone and through anything that travels down Church street between Liberty and Chambers streets downtown for security purposes. If approved, they will be able to stop any automobile and any suspicious tourist person with bombs in an oversized bag that they deem a threat to the safety of America.

Here is a list of actions and items not allowed in the area and are subject to questioning and confiscation:
Scissors, Razors, and Switchblades
Unpatriotic Loaded Words
Hairspray and Deodorant
Shorthand Texting and/or IMing
Lighters and Matches
Communists
Containers with more than 1 oz of liquid in it
Intellectual Terrorism
Shifty eyes, sweaty palms, and long goatees
Any flags that are not the American flag
Flying

It Ain't Right, 1st Edition

Boots in the Summer
Heels at McCarren
Line for MGMT past the BQE
3 different bars in East Williamsburg in the same night and all 3 bars playing the MGMT Kids song
More than 5 minute wait for 4/5/6
Not being able to wake up before 12:30pm for the entire month of July
Smoking cigarettes at indoor venues
Tacky French men on ecstasy dancing/blocking your view of Sebastien

OMO'B!

5 Reasons to Consider O'bama for the Presidency:

1) He may or may not have lied about a thesis he wrote – “Soviet Nuclear Disarmament,” which was supposedly written around the height of the cold war. He proved that no one really cares about what you studied in college and you can half-lie or make things up if you wait 25 years to talk about it.

2) He used to smoke cigarettes and use other substances as a young adult in college (just like me and you), and has publicly declared it (unlike me and you).

3) He exercises twice a day to stay fit for the campaign trail and his workout routine makes headline news.

4) He knows that the majority of Middle America won’t vote for a black man, so he decided to not waste time there and went to Berlin to appeal to the Germans instead. (And: Afghanistan, Iraq, Jordan, Kuwait, Israel and the Palestinian territories – soon France and the G.B.)

5) Made Ebony Magazine’s list of “The Top 25 Coolest Brother’s of All Time” - among the ranks of Prince, Jay-Z, Samuel L. Jackson, and Denzel.

The Seven Year Hole

Please be advised there may be extended hours of construction as part of the Ground Zero rebuild which is adjacent to the hotel. Some streets may be closed at times to vehicles due to construction...

Priceline Booker: So I see on your website that there are extended construction hours going on around your hotel. What is that all about exactly?....

Guest Service Agent: Well sir, we are right across the street from the World Trade Center site. It is a 24 hour, 7 days a week project that we have no jurisdiction over. The city has many contractor's and subcontractor's working around the clock to ensure that that Freedom Tower is built by the projected year of 2011.

PB:Well just how loud is the noise, are the street closures that bad, and are you really going to charge the full rate with all of this happening?

GSA:Sir, the severity of the noise would have to be based on an individual's sensitivity to it, and where they are placed at in the hotel. If you are on a higher floor and facing away from the construction, then you may not notice it at all. Priceline gives you an extremely reduced rate as well.

PB: Well if I book now, can I be guaranteed a room on a high floor and facing away from the construction?

GSA: I'm sorry sir, but unfortunately we would not be able to accommodate you with that request. Rooms are selected at the time of check-in.

PB: Well it's just unfortunate that you can't accommodate me with a high floor room or a reduced rate with all of the construction noise and traffic and all..

GSA: Sir, what happened in 2001 was unfortunate for us all. Due to our location and circumstances, we have been trying to the best of our ability to satisfy all guests that decide to stay with us here at the hotel.

PB: I think I will book elsewhere, I don't want to gamble a good night's sleep at your hotel.