No Privacy with Church and Liberty

It's that time of year again for back to school and increased random searching. The NYPD is looking for the approval to perfom searches on anyone and through anything that travels down Church street between Liberty and Chambers streets downtown for security purposes. If approved, they will be able to stop any automobile and any suspicious tourist person with bombs in an oversized bag that they deem a threat to the safety of America.

Here is a list of actions and items not allowed in the area and are subject to questioning and confiscation:
Scissors, Razors, and Switchblades
Unpatriotic Loaded Words
Hairspray and Deodorant
Shorthand Texting and/or IMing
Lighters and Matches
Communists
Containers with more than 1 oz of liquid in it
Intellectual Terrorism
Shifty eyes, sweaty palms, and long goatees
Any flags that are not the American flag
Flying