Biggie Shortie

Photo Credit: Faithmouse on Fleshbot

Bernie went to court and I missed out on going to see him! Feng Shui consultant that lost 2/3's of her investments wonders how he was able to swindle all that money from everyone, perhaps he himself was a Feng Shui consultant of Portfolios.
Cramer Vs. Stewart
Free Space for Artists in Braddock! Does anyone want to move out there and start something?
Natasha Richards dies from ski-related head injury
Obama Administration and Congress do not care about you

Can You Ear Me Now?

New Dora doll silhouette outrages moms that don't want their girls to grow up wishing they had long legs, negative torso, and an abnormally large head (photo credit - Nickelodeon and NY Daily News).
Employment Rate up to 8.1%, the highest it has been in 25 years... as was the 7.6% in January. The breakdown: 681,000 in December; 655,000 in January; and now 651,000in February.
We have been in a recession since December 2007 and have lost 4.4 million jobs (almost half that number in the past 3 months)
Details of Chris Brown and Rihanna domestic abuse released, finally. What a poor display of social responsibility from the both of them, especially her.
Hillary Clinton in Turkey
8 Dead in Pakistan bombing
"I am proud that we passed a recovery plan free of earmarks..."
- Barack Obama (as if the Republicans don't do it too)
Pork and Beans Breakdown
8,000 Earmarks for $8 Billion:

$1.6 M for pig odor research in Iowa (findings will be used to end the cause of bellybutton odor)
$143K for Las Vegas Natural History Museum (special "Life of the Neon Light" wing will be dedicated to the Demcratic Party)
$238K for the Polynesian Voyaging Society in Hawaii
1.7 M for Honey Bee Factory in Texas
$1 M for Cricket control in Utah (Plans to end the desire of stepping on grass to make the chirping stop)
$925K towards Sustainable Energy in Las Vegas
*Argued that it's only a tiny fraction of the overall bill (less than 1%), Senators are smiling about the earmarks that they had passed in it - Joe Lieberman claimed that not all of his earmarks that were passed were authorized, but most of them are "good ones," and he is willing to defend them
*Congressional Democrats are getting 60% of the earmarks (favors are owed for the President's agenda to be implemented)
*Earmarks = Jobs

Much Ado About Health Care

Judge attacked, Defendant carrying scissor/hair-clipper weapon for 2 weeks was killed
School bus drunk driver, Students told their parents that bus driver hit mailbox on the way home and parents decided to report it
Eagle bursts through windshield on interstate 80
Camp Lejeune bus accident on Highway 17: tour buses carrying 100's, 7 marines injured, 1 critically injured
Michael Jackson, 50 and father of 3, calls it a comeback for 2009 - there will be a series of concerts in London to follow, Jackson hasn't done anything since 2001 - also filing suit against Julian's auction house for attempting to auction rhinestone trimmed socks and other priceless items
Chris Brown has hearing today for Rhianna face punches
Karl Rove summoned to court! Rove and Harriet Myers testifying for the firing of 8 U.S. Attorneys, not under oath and is also behind closed doors - boo! Federal Judge struck down Bush's move for executive privilege. Rove claims he has nothing to hide, but Justice department found improper political context
Opening bell for Wall Street today - Dow Jones is down 117 points
General Motors maybe filing for bankruptcy: if it can't implement it's turn around plan
Government spends more than $2 trillion on health care a year: Obama is trying to get hospitals, doctors, drug maker execs, and insurance company execs all "at the bargaining table" to come up with a plan for his health care summit at the White House today
Nadya Suleman auditioning for the role of Christine Collins in the Changeling
Missing NFL players off the coast of Florida
Breaking News: Man cooks eggs and starts building fire in PA
Rep. Zach Wamp (House Appropriations committee) gets a reaction out of MSNBC reporter by saying "Health care is a privilege" - other famous quotes from the convo:
"Well it's probably the next major step towards Socialism... I hate to sound so harsh..."
"So the Devil is in the details and we're waitin for those details"
"Just because Republicans made a lot of mistakes, doesn't mean Democrat's have to make those same mistakes times 5 or times 10"
"Half of 'em choose to what's called 'go naked' and just take a risk of getting sick, they end up in the emergency room and cost you and me a whole lot more money"
"How many illegal immigrants are there in this country today getting our health care? Gobs of em!"
Mrs. Bush (Barb) had open heart surgery, in recovery in intensive care, operation was a success, she's already been on the phone calling people
Is everyone tired about hearing about the monkey attack and outraged about monkey legislation?
Rush Limbaugh is still an idiot, Michael Steele is a pussy
According to Roger Simon, Michael Steele (RNC) "thinks the Republican party has to reach out and become an off-the hook, hip-hop party that reaches out to minorities, especially those in the cities and the suburbs."
I should write a book about how lipstick clad 13 yr olds should not write books and be used as a revival of a failed ideology that erroneously fronts a racist/homophobic/ignorant base. Jonathan, do you really know what filibuster means?

Constitutional Act of the Day: Depository Institutions Deregulation and Monetary Control Act

Passed in 1980
Gave Federal Reserve greater control over non-member banks:
1) Forced banks to play by their rules
2) Allowed mergers amongst banks - practice that had happened, but seemed to really pick up post-1980
3) Raised deposit insurance from $40,000 to $100,000
4) Allowed credit unions and savings and loans to offer checkable deposits (faster access to funds on demand, no interest, say goodbye to saving and hello to spending!)
5) Federal Reserve Board of Governors no longer had the power of setting interest rates for savings accounts (repealed some of Glass-Steagull and Regulation Q)
6) Allowed Institutions unregulated charging of interest rates

Paying Down the House

The Obama plan for foreclosures:
$75 Billion mortgage fix
Aim to help 4 million people to avoid foreclosure
The government owns Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, which guarantee/own most of the mortgages in the country under $700,000, now can pretty much do whatever they want/need by leveraging the portfolio they now have in housing to lower interest rates (includes commandeering your house if needed... I kid)
Possible by using Net Present Value Test: is there greater value when putting them (people that have been in default) into a loan modification?
Criticisms/Possible Problems:
Take a borrower currently in default and put them into a loan modification plan, then the recidivism (re-default) rate has been over 50% in a normal market which could be a far greater percentage with the state of the current market
Lower interest rates without qualifications: people don't qualify due to income/LTV issues
Incentives to borrowers to make them stay in their house and make payments is counter-intuitive, it's what they should be doing in the first place

Guns for Drugs for Butter

Recent rise in gun smuggling, should we all get one? Will there be another American Revolution?
People are starting to realize that the decriminalization of pot isn't such a bad idea after all, opponents argue that marijuana is the number one cash crop for drug cartels in Mexico (everyone knows that the good stuff comes from elsewhere)
You can still afford to dine out after adopting the Quantity vs. Quality method, I have never been so motivated to open a cheap shitty restaurant (does anyone want to go to Damon's Frugal Friday or Halfsteak Wednesday at Craftsteak, it may be a 2 hr. wait but its haute cheap)
Cut your phone off and use google/aim/yahoo v chat, cut down cable to basic and a few other unnecessary life things and you can save around $4,000 a year.
People are giving up hope on finding a job... globally
Federal Government takes 36% stake in Citigroup, now I'm ready for my bailout, Quote Christine Romans (CNN financial correspondent) "It's gonna have more of a say they say in what goes on with Citi." - Your money is safe in the bank....
Government plans for Iraq: We're going to Afghanistan! Keeping a residual force in a "non-combat" role of (almost inserted a $ here) 35-50,000 troops
Can the U.S. win in Afghanistan? Did the Soviets win in Afghanistan? Will we step on/clear all the landmines in Afghanistan? Are we the new Soviet Union? Do you think Robert Kaplan is excited for a Peshawar Part II?
Global Warming Initiative that is going to boost (increase) our utility bills
"By 2020, America will once again have the highest proportion of college graduates in the world." - President Barack Obama
Pakistan is pissed again
Brand new video of Mumbai terrorist attacks surfaces

News Run-Down

Royal Bank of Scotland loses $A61.34 Billion
If you would like to go Cardigan-less like Michelle Obama and are not a youthful 25 yr. old that works out, then the key is to make sure that you are covered everywhere else. Sleeveless, while staying modest and being covered from neck to knee, gives a youthful, but respectable look.
The $3.66 Trillion Pie: Obama's official budget released - $1.75 trillion deficit will slowly decline to $533 billion by 2013
19 month withdrawal for U.S. troops in Iraq
Hey Obama can we get a report of that daily C.I.A. briefing?
Man points laser and blinds man in helicopter
Tiger Woods still swingin' after reconstructive knee surgery
The viral pedaling pooch video - OMGz check it out LoLz!
People in Fargo North Dakota: "What Recession?" - Booming business in Fargo, Let's go! Unemployment rate is 3.4%, Aerospace firm is growing in personnel, Homes are not losing value, Largest budget surplus in the nation, Did not get caught up in sub prime mortgages, Conservative bankers and savers had only 3 foreclosures last year
GM posts $9.6 Billion loss, loss of $29 per share - Give more bailout money to the Automobile Industry, so they can not hire people back, spend more money and make more cars, so people can take out those loans and buy those cars that were made after all of those cars that people didn't buy in the first place.
Hillary Clinton butts in on child custody case: Mrs. Goldman took her child to family vacation in Brazil and never brought him back. After ex-Mrs. Goldman died, Brazilian court gave child custody to the husband she married after David Goldman. Hillary is going to hang out with Brazilian Prime Minister and is planning on bringing it up in conversation about how they are in violation of an International treaty.
Geert Wilders "Al Qaeda of the Netherlands" comes to America - he's not against the Koran, he's just concerned with the way terrorists interpret it, right?
Straight A's won't get you into/keep you in college anymore, no more rewards for getting your education on, it's all about the Benjamins

C.E.O. of the Day: John A. Thain - Merrill Lynch

John A. Thain
The last of the Chairmen/C.E.O's of Merrill Lynch before the Bank of America merger
Resigned Jan. 22, 2009 after losses were found to be far greater than projected for the Company - Was supposed to assume the position of president of global banking, securities, and wealth management (freals?)
Former C.E.O. of the NYSE
Was President/C.E.O. of Goldman Sachs
He made $300 million in stock at G.S. and stabbed Jon Corzine in the back
After leaving Goldman he had his choice between Citigroup and Merrill Lynch to head up
Merrill had the highest offer: a $15million signing bonus, with $50 million a yr. in compensation, $120 million a yr. if you add stock bonuses etc...
He received $83.1 million in 2007, earning him an honorable mention as one of the highest paid Executives among the S&P 500 companies
Mentioned to the compensation committee at M.L. that he should be paid $10 million for "saving" M.L. by selling it to Bank of America
Jan. 16, 2009 - Bank of America reported that Merrill suffered a loss of $15 billion for the 4th quarter of 2008
On Jan. 22, 2009, it was revealed how John A. Thain struggled to keep Merrill Lynch afloat in early 2008 - Office Renovations, that's the key!
The trick to hiding any record loss is to cover it up with 2 area rugs totaling $131,000. That won't just do, ya gots ta put some feng shui up in it: $68, 000 antique credenza, 4 pairs of $28,000 curtains, $87,000 guest chairs, $11,000 fabric for a Roman shade, $25,000 mahogany pedestal table, $15,000 sofa,
$11,000 custom coffee table, $24,000 Regency chairs, $18,000 George IV Desk, $2700 for 6 wall sconces, 6 dining room chairs for $37,000, $5,000 mirror, $13,000 chandelier, 40 yards of $5,000 fabric for the walls, $1400 waste can, and what good is an executive office without that $35,000 commode with legs... Did I hit $1.22 million yet? Surely the interior decorator made it just under the $2 million corporate money budget he set for all of that.

Jo(h)n said it! Trickle Up Theory

I have been meaning to write about this for quite some time now, and it boggled me why no one had even tried to mention it on the news or some sort of national T.V.-Good Morning America sort of show. Maybe it's that it makes too much sense. Then, it finally happened, those words poured out of Jon Stewart's mouth like liquid gold. Then I find out later that John McCain touched on that idea before?! The Trickle-Up Theory/Effect, "Why not just give the money back to the people?"

*Let's say we actually rallied together and demanded they take all of that initial $700 billion bailout money back and re-distribute it equally among all of the taxpayers... hmmm what would happen.....

*In 2007, there was a reported number of 138 million taxpayers out of 303,824,640 people in the entire population of the United States. If you equally divided that amount amongst taxpayers, we would all get $2000. So that's what it cost us. We each paid $133 out of that $2000 for that $18.4 billion bonus package btw- Girls, let's put on our heels, go to their bars, and get back that money in cocktails.

*Let's say one-third of that $825 extra billion dollar stimulus package came back around to taxpayers along with that original $700 billion (of course this would never happen) , giving us a grand total of $925 billion back to taxpayers - that would put roughly $7,000 back into our pockets-accounts. What would you do with an extra $7,000 on your tax return? Go out and buy shit - duh! Wouldn't that stimulate the economy? The average household carries $8,000 or more in debt, so maybe a lot of people could pay off some debt to those financial companies in need.


*I can't tell you how much time I spent looking at a bunch of zeroes, so feel free to correct me if I have some wrong figures posted. Don't forget that U.S. govt. had already spent $412 billion before the bailout in Fiscal Year 2008.

Happy America, Give Me Money!

Have we all become so apathetic and self-involved as a society that we don't realize what has happened to our rights as a constituency?! I bet plenty of us could tell you who's dating who in celebrimaginaryville, that we just can't wait for that new ep of The City next week, or thank god there won't be another Gossip Girl re-run for a while. I myself have been feeling overwhelmed in trying to sift through all of the information that happens on a day to day basis to try and come up with key points for anyone that wants to take the time to read this. There is a lot out there, but it is our responsibility to pay attention and figure out what is going on with the appropriation of the money that is being taken out of our earnings.

I feel really uneasy after Obama's first week. I know you guys all love him. I even bought into it at first and thought that for once I was actually giving my vote to someone that was going to make a difference, but not a $825+ Billion dollar difference for big business. For my friends that are reading this, I am completely sober right now and this is going to be a clear, streamlined argument as to why I wish I could take my vote back and give it to Nader (it's a whole clean conscious thing for me).


1) Obama's major campaign contributions by industry were mostly from Lawyers/Lobbyists and Financial Institutions (favors are owed).
2)Some of Obama's carefully selected staff:
Timothy F. Geithner: United States Secretary of the Treasury- Tax Evader, Ex-President of Fed. Reserve Bank of New York
Tom Vilsack: United States Secretary of Agriculture - Supporter of Hormone Injected/Genetically Engineered farms and Corn Syrup Cash Crop
Steven Chu: United States Secretary of Energy - Got British Petroleum to give $500 million of funding for EBI: which is essentially the Helios Building that for some reason still needed a $50 million subsidy from the State of California (Arnold asked for it) so it can house 50 B.P. scientists to research Bio fuels... wait...what?
Tom Daschle: United States Secretary of Health and Human Services - married to Linda Hall (lobbyist for American Airlines, Boeing, and Lockheed Martin), Fellow Tax Evader, Health care solution: Federal Health Board - single-payer strategy (Heavy Fed. Reg usually leads to increased cost for consumers, noticeably favors the larger profiting companies, causes smaller companies/competition to die out)
Neal S. Wolin: Deputy Counsel to the President for Economic Policy and Deputy Assistant to the President - President and C.O.O. of HIG
3)Big public slaps in the face to us under his watch, and all they get is a little wrist slap - Note how the article says: "The truth is, this is probably the last year for a good long while that Wall Street bonuses are going to be so out of line with reality. Partly that is because the government simply isn’t going to let it happen again, at least not at any institution that has taken bailout money." AGAIN! AGAIN! WHY DID THEY LET THAT HAPPEN IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! Am I the only person contracting a brain aneurysm from reading this, surely Lewis Black feels my pain here.

*More to come soon

An Open Love Letter

Dear Kyra Phillips,

Watching you on CNN is such a spiritual experience for me. You are seriously taking news anchoring to another level. I loved how when you were talking to Stephanie Elam for her little Energy Fix segment, the two of you started improving with each other, showing how truly great you are at segueing from one story to the next:

Stephanie: "If you need more of an energy fix, you can go to CNNMoney.com, Kyra..."
Kyra: "Or... just, you know, bring you off every 15 minutes or so..."
Stephanie: "Hey... I'm happy to come out and give you, give you a fix whenever you need it Kyra"
Kyra: "Give, give me my fixes...Thank You, I love my Stephanie fix"
[Cue the schoolgirl giggles for Kyra's attempt at "sounding Black"]
Kyra: "And by the way..."
Stephanie:"And I love my Kyra.."
Kyra:"Awe....alright, we'll move on. See ya Steph."

Sheer genius! I can see that a few inches off and shades more red with the hair has given you more of a commanding presence in the CNN Newsroom. You totally cut Steph off and smoothly transitioned from talking about wasteful fuel cells and battery packs the size of a card deck that you can only use once and then discard, to the Green Bag Lady and how she is starting a revolution against plastic bags that remain in landfills for 1,000 years.

Then you had Rick Sanchez on briefly before he took over with his show, and you were discussing excessive force by police in reference to Robbie Tolan's shooting. You dictated the conversation again, asking Rick to "Take a look at the context here..."

Kyra: "Black man in a nice car, pulling up to a a nice house, one of the cops was white..."

What insight! You really know how to bypass all the minor details and uncover the truth in any situation. Why did I not follow your steps with a degree in Journalism? I too could have my own show on CNN and be on T.V. at this very moment, talking to you! With all of this said, I would simply like to thank you kindly for enriching my Wednesday afternoon today.

Yours Forever More,

Purgenus