Friday, August 29, 2008

"A Heartbeat Away from the Presidency," the "Heartbeat of America"

Sarah Palin sure does sound "like a rock" hard conservative, and American political catch-phrases are borderline Chevy commercial material.

Attention Disenfranchised Billary's!
: Do not let Sarah Palin's Miss Congeniality appearance and the fact that she is a woman inveigle your otherwise Dem vote record to the dark side!

She is the Ice Queen of NarniaAlaska:
Pro-Lifer, Anti-Gay, Anti-Polar Bears, Pro Oil, Went back to work 3 days after giving birth
With some human qualities:
Pro Vogue photo shoots, Pro Pageants, Pro Women's Basketball, Pro running up hills, Has a child with Trisomy 21 (please see above) that she did not abort

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

NYC Crazies

Spotted: The Reverse Stair Descender
Location: The 4-5 Fulton Street Stop downtown Manhattan
Defining Characteristics: Beard, Glasses, Fingerless Black Gloves
Behavior: Walking down the stairs backwards while covering his eyes for added difficulty
Famous Phrases:
"Cut her vagina hole"
"Cut off his penis"
"Break your legs"
"Double fuck your asshole"

Wednesday, August 13, 2008


It has resurfaced in news again that scientists (researchers at UC of B) are another "step closer"
to inventing invisibility- or a metamaterial that bends light/emits a wavelength that humans can't see. This will be a key weapon to use to defeat the Predator when he comes back from the dead, and to get you out of a bind when you get stuck in Hogwart's study hall.

"This is not 1968. And the invasion of Czechoslovakia, where Russia can threaten a neighbor, occupy a capital, and overthrow a government, and get away with it. Things have changed." - Condoleezza Rice always manages to look so honest after she has convinced herself that what she is going to say to the press is the truth - it's always more believable when she wears those power suits in bold colors too.

The U.S.A. women's gymnastics team lost to China by 2 points thanks to Alicia Sacramone. She totally ruined her chances of a future Claritin (Shannon Miller) endorsement for placing U.S. in the silver zone. Alicia should've spent less time tanning and more time in the gym. At least Michael Phelps won all of those GOLD medals and Spain's basketball team did this:

Suck it China - Team America and Spain!

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

No Privacy with Church and Liberty

It's that time of year again for back to school and increased random searching. The NYPD is looking for the approval to perfom searches on anyone and through anything that travels down Church street between Liberty and Chambers streets downtown for security purposes. If approved, they will be able to stop any automobile and any suspicious tourist person with bombs in an oversized bag that they deem a threat to the safety of America.

Here is a list of actions and items not allowed in the area and are subject to questioning and confiscation:
Scissors, Razors, and Switchblades
Unpatriotic Loaded Words
Hairspray and Deodorant
Shorthand Texting and/or IMing
Lighters and Matches
Containers with more than 1 oz of liquid in it
Intellectual Terrorism
Shifty eyes, sweaty palms, and long goatees
Any flags that are not the American flag